You represent... naivete.
So innocent and trusting... you can be very shy at
times, but it's only because you're not sure
how to act. You give off that "I need to
be protected vibe." Remember that not all
people are good. Being too trusting will get
you easily hurt.


What feeling do you represent?
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hug from behind - you like to feel what the other
person is feeling and see things how they see
them. you tend to be serious and emotional.


What Sign of Affection Are You?
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You have a mysterious kiss. Your partner never
knows what you're going to come up with next;
this creates great excitement and arousal never
knowing what to expect. And it's sure to end
in a kiss as great as your mystery.


What kind of kiss are you?
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hello kawan kawan!!
Finally my exams are over and the hols are here!!
Was pretty excited about the hols at first because dad says he's gonna take us go skiing. But, there was a change of plans at the very last minute,he will be going back to msia instead to settle some stuff. Haihz, dunno what stuff is it that is so important that must leave family here in aust with nothing to do and no where to go...

Anyhoo, last saturday was my birthday. Yep, am now 19 years of age but ain't feeling any older yet. I was worried that i won't have nobody to celebrate my bday with, or worse, no one will remember it at all. But life is certainly good. With good friends and nice well meaning people, i can survive here, no probs. Ok, it went like this. My friend, a cell member,Gwen came over to my place, and we went to a christian bookstore, i got myself a brand new bible. The one that i have now is old, and beyond repair but still is readable and very well highlighted and written on, which is good. It was handed down to me by my aunt and in that bible are lil stick on notes that she has placed usually personal notes like what that bible verse meant to her and how it has influenced her in her walk with God. As much as i like reading that bible, i thought getting my very own bible, and highlighting the versus that i like would be nicer. And it was off to cell group after that. My cell members all surprised me with a bday cake, sang me the bday song and presented me with a book..*touched* it was a pleasant surprise really and it certainly made my day But of course also to the friends back in msia who called/sms me...nat, soph, yit han, daniel, nick, shin yee...and not forgetting esther, this really sweet girl who is my coursemate. thank you Lord for the people that you have placed in my life. Hmmm, although i feel so happy now and excited about life all of a sudden....that's weird. been quite some time since i've been excited about life. But oh well, when the feelings here, i might as well enjoy it. like they say, seize the day!!

I just came back from the city and my feet is hurting so bad..Arrghh, take one whole day of walking, and being caught in the rain, carrying a bag with only a wallet,a bottle of water, scraft, umbrella,and keys..and wearing the wrong shoes to go shopping in...yea that is a pretty bad combination. Oh well, besides the hurting feet, i have tried on a fair amount of dresses that looked absolutely gorgeous on me. Hehe....i am honest!! Of all the clothes i tried on, i like that tube dress the best. It made me look like a princess..ok well maybe not quite like a princess, but it made me think of pink as maybe the latest black? I did not know i looked nice in pink. The colors that i usually wear are the basics-black, white, blue,forest green, brown, crimson red..so pink was never quite my color. Thought it looked kinda too girly for me. But ooh, the dress, it was a perfect fit, perfect hemline...perfect everything...but i did not get it i wouldn't be writting about it if i had bought it. I'd be in my room now playing dress up. Hiahz...anyhoo, overall, today was a nice day, altho the whether was not that nice, but despite it all me and esther enjoyed ourselves to the max. hehe. So many things to do!! Will learn how to do some bead earrings, then prolly will sign up for a church camp in Philip Island, then will sign up for a conference, go pick up my assignments from tutor..nervous nervous. I failed the last assignment, so am hoping that the two essays i've handed in will be able to pull my grades up a lil....till next time, take care of yourself and others. hehe quote from jerry springer..don't watch that show, just show you the ugliest side of the world i'd rather not know.

I went to bed really early the other night, around 1030pm. Was sleeping soundly till i was rudely woken up by the very loud rumbling noise of my sister's tummy. Apparently, she was really hungry, but because she had already brushed her teeth and changed into her pjs, she decided not to go down for a snack. And because of all the rumbling noises, it triggered my own tummy to make noises like that too. I suddenly realised that i am hungry, really hungry. I managed to talk my sis into coming down for a snack with me after awhile. Actually, i dont think she really needed me to talk her into it.

me: wanna grab a bite downstairs?
sis: nah, i've already brushed my teeth
me: oh, ok. you sure you can stand the hunger the whole night through?
sis: yes. now go back to sleep.
me: alright.

=long pause + more rumbling noises=

me:you sure you dont want anything to eat?
sis: oh, let's go

And she was the first one who jumped out of bed, look who's the hungrier one..hahha

I had cereal with milk. Yummy!! Never have plain choc cereal taste so good. We sat there in the dark eating away. Ooh, and watched I am Sam as well. So touching. I actually shed a tear or two. I enjoyed the movie a lot, it speaks of such simple things in life that we often take for granted.

" You're eating slowly, that's good, it's good to chew"

When things get tough, what do you to do?

Three words- get on with life. Why? Because life goes on, with or without you. so a better bet would be to pick yourself up and catch up with life before it slips away.

But i was thinking, maybe just maybe. If i am smart, if i have the intelligence of making some kind of device. A device that is able to allow us to look into our own minds. Look deep and search for all lost memories, things that lurk in our unconscious mind, things that we thought was lost forever. The troubles we have dealt with in the past which has caused us much pain and distress. The pain and distress that have left us with wounds that might never heal. To look into our memory banks and pick out all the bad memories, experiences, just anything that makes us feel sad, angry or scared. So then, without all this disturbing memories, we can live life out of good, happy memories. Not only will we be happier people, we will look younger because frowning have never made anyone look good. We won't be jaded or become bitter and resentful.

However, that would only defeat the purpose of living life.

A life without all the down side will not be interesting.

A life without having to be hurt, or angered is not as fun as those who experience a range of emotions.

A life without all that, is not life.

And lastly,a life without God, is a contradiction.

After my second relationship ended, i was certain that i will not be so naive and dumb as to allow myself be played by another guy. I was set on living life the way i want to, not allowing anyone to dictate how and what i can or cannot do. I was set to make things work for me and not sit around waiting for something to happen. I was ready to take on a proactive role in my life and get the things i want, get the type of life i deserve, get the type of friends who will stand by me and cheer me on all the way, get the best education my parents can afford, get the best out of life, befriend guys who will treat me with the respect a girl deserves, get the special someone who has every intention of being in my life permanently and to start loving God again.

I'm not sure if it is right to say that the break up affected me so much ( i wouldn't want the ex to think he had that much effect on me) but even after 9 months has passed, i can still think of him and be filled with anger. Thankfully it was not as intense as it was back then, but i am not sure if i am really over him. I can't even safely say that i have forgiven him. I mean, forgiving and forgetting is a different thing. Sure, i've forgotten certain things that happen between us, like the reasons for the many arguments that we had. But that does not mean that i've forgiven him. I can't say that i have forgiven someone if i think back, and i still feel aggravated.It just does not seem right.

I look at relationships in a very pessimistic light. I can't even be happy for my mate when she hooked up with a great guy. I see relationships as 'when it fails' instead of 'if it fails'. I just dont trust myself and others to allow myself be vulnerable. Being vulnerable, loving someone, it's such a risk. I know the joys of being in a relationship, but i guess too much damage has been done. It's like what people say, when you've just came out of a long term relationship, you are an entirely different person. The experiences i had, everything, it has changed how i look at others and myself. I will question the motives for a person wanting to get close to me. I question everything. I have become someone simply hard to please. But, i am not this way to everyone, it's only the guys who show interest in me. Mutual guy friends i treat them nice and all.

So what am i trying to say here?....i really dunno. I have lost interest..no no..i think the right word here is, i fear. I fear the pain one has to go through in the event that a relationship has a fall out....I fear a lot of things. A little fear or stress is good as it motivates you, but this fear i have, it cause me to talk as if i want to spend my life as a spinster. *sobs*